Let’s talk about the guilt game going on right now.
You see, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, that swung right into a human rights revolution, that’s caused so many people (myself included) to re-evaluate how we’re doing life, parenting and business.
And this has probably brought up a lot of stuff for you.
We feel guilty for
… not exercising enough because life feels overwhelming right now
… turning to food, Netflix binges, and hour-long Instagram scrolls to try to distract ourselves
… trying to be the present parent while working a full-time job at home and feeling like we’re failing at both
… not talking about racism with our friends, family, and kids sooner
… making unhealthy choices that we know aren’t good for us but we choose them anyway
… feeling exhausted, burned out, and just done (even though we have so much privilege and nothing to complain about compared to so many other people in the world right now so who are we to feel these feelings anyways, right?!)
And none of this is helping you feel good.
None of this is helping you show up for yourself and your family in a positive, powerful way.
So what do you do? How can you move forward? What steps can you take to feel less overwhelmed, make healthy choices that you know are going to make you feel better, and let this guilt go?
Well it’s actually quite simple. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Because sometimes the most simple solutions are actually the hardest to implement.
And that’s usually because we’re expecting a more complicated 20-step process with spreadsheets and Venn diagrams and actionable items that we can check off a to-do list.
We’re not expecting simple mindset strategies.
But the truth is that all you need to do is decide to think another thought. (I told you it was simple. But stick with me. There’s more to it than that).
First, an illustrative story…
A couple weeks ago my 1.5 year old, Nora fell and hit her mouth so hard her front tooth popped out – root and all.
She cried. Hard. For about 3 minutes and then she was back to climbing on all the things and seemed happy as ever without any signs that she was in pain or worried about losing a tooth.
I cried. Hard. For about 30 hours.
I made the decision that her mouth was ruined, it was all my fault, it was going to impact her for the rest of her life, and everyone would think I was a horrible mom who permanently scarred her daughter.
I felt all the guilt and worry because I thought I should.
I made the decision that this meant I was a horrible mom.
But now – even writing that sentence – it feels ridiculous.
I have so much evidence that proves I’m not a horrible mom. In fact, I’m actually a really great mom. My kids are happy, healthy, and entertained by my dinosaur roars and fancy chicken dances and table fort building abilities and love of clicking “Next Episode” on Netflix 😉
But in that moment I allowed my thoughts to run wild and came to the conclusion that I was the worst mom ever.
I made that decision.
I decided I was a bad mom.
(Side Note: This is why two people can have the exact same experience and feel completely different about it. One person decided it meant something and the other person decided it meant something else).
So let’s circle back to your own guilt.
Whether it’s about promising yourself you’d drink more water and never getting around to those 2 litres you keep saying you’ll glug, or telling yourself you’ll exercise more and then bingeing Netflix instead, or feeling like you caused your prolapse/leaking/diastasis because you did something wrong or didn’t do something right, or something else, it’s time to let the guilt go.
And you do that by making a new decision.
You simply decide that you want to think another thought, believe another belief, feel another feel.
You see, overwhelm and a feeling of helplessness comes from thinking unconstructive, limiting thoughts.
Whether it’s about something small like drinking more water, or something big like becoming an anti-racist, if you’re paralyzed by limiting beliefs like “I’m not good enough”; “I’m too busy”; “I don’t even know where to start”; “It’s all my fault and I ruined it, just like I ruin everything”… you’re never going to be able to move forward because you can’t see the way.
If you focus instead on asking powerful questions like “Where can I start?”; “How can I make time?”; “Who can I ask for help?”; “What do I need to Google to learn more?”… it suddenly becomes less overwhelming and you can see the path forward.
But first you need to decide to think a more powerful thought, instead of falling victim to your limiting beliefs.
That’s the simple part.
And then you get to work.
And it is work.
Because the hardest part is that you can’t just make the decision once and then that’s it.
You have to keep making that decision. Over and over and over until it’s the rule instead of the exception.
Every time you’re faced with the choice, you need to decide how you want to feel and what you want to believe.
That’s what makes it hard.
Because it’s not instantaneous.
Every day you have to commit to making that decision.
Every day you have to decide, “I’m good enough; I deserve this; I’m ready; everything is working out for my greatest good; I’m exactly as far along as I’m supposed to be; I can feel strong and good in my body again; no matter what I do or don’t do, I’m a great mom…”
And then one day it gets easier.
Because one day you no longer have to constantly remind yourself to make the decision to believe you’re a good mom; to believe you’re ready; to believe you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be; to believe that you can and will feel strong and capable in your body again… because those are now the thoughts you’re thinking 90+% of the time.
And even if you think an unconstructive, negative thought, you can bounce back faster because you’re more quickly aware and better able to turn it around.
So it’s simple, but it’s not always easy.
But I know you’re up for a challenge.
You grew and birthed a human, you can do hard things.
And if you don’t want to do it alone, I’m here to help.
Because if we’re going to make any real change in this world, we need to be mindful about how we’re raising our tiny humans. But we can’t do that well if we’re not putting our own physical, mental and emotional needs upfront too.
Because you matter.
Your needs matter.
You deserve to feel good.
Your happiness is just as important as anyone else’s in your family.
How’s that for some empowering beliefs?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by decisions and life right now, and you’d love a done-for-you fitness program so you can get stronger and feel more like yourself again (plus get 2 one-on-one coaching calls a month to help you ditch the frustration, procrastination and overwhelm) I’ve got three private coaching spots open. You can go here for more details and to apply for a spot.