It can be so frustrating, hey?
You were told “Oh don’t worry about the baby weight. It’ll just fall right off when you breastfeed.”
But apparently your body didn’t get the memo because you’re not losing the weight you gained during pregnancy. Maybe you’ve even gained some weight since baby was born.
So what’s going on?
The truth is, postpartum weight loss is drastically different for every woman.
For some, the weight really does fall off with breastfeeding. For others it hangs on like crazy. Some women can’t eat enough to keep weight on – especially if they’re breastfeeding 2+ kiddos. And still others gain weight while breastfeeding.
There are so many factors to consider when it comes to breastfeeding and weight loss. It’s not as simple as eat less and exercise more.
And there are 2 main reasons that weight loss can be really challenging – if not impossible – when you’re breastfeeding, or even just because you have a newborn to take care of.
#1 – Your Hormone Cocktail
Prolactin is the queen hormone responsible for producing your boob juice and it doesn’t just make milk. It can also increase your appetite and actually slow down fat metabolism.
This means that – not only is your body saying “Eat all the things!” – it’s also saying “Store all the fat!”
This makes sense, right? In order to nourish your tiny human you need to have enough reserves to produce milk and keep yourself alive. So it’s smart that your body is telling you to eat and telling itself to store fat just in case you can’t get enough calories (which, in our developed, modern society is likely not going to happen. But your body doesn’t know that).
And the truth is, for some women, until their little one weans they won’t be able to lose all or some of the weight they gained during pregnancy.
I know this may be hard to hear. Knowing that – until your baby weans – you may not be able to lose weight, can make you feel like you have no control and it can bum you right out.
Let me suggest something…
Recognize that your body is doing what it’s supposed to be doing to help keep you and your tiny human alive.
As much as the world would like to tell you you need to be in pre-baby body shape in 6 weeks or less, you don’t. You really don’t.
And if it’s the hormones that are causing you to gain or hold onto weight the best thing you can do right now is eat some healthy goodness most of the time to produce some nourishing milk and give yourself a hall pass to not lose the weight right this second.
If you decide that after baby weans you want to drop some weight, you can make that happen.
Just cut yourself some slack right now and don’t pressure your body to lose the weight just to fit some ridiculous notion that you should look like you never even had a baby a few short months after giving birth.
#2 – You’re Not Eating Enough
In relation to point #1 – if you’re feeling the pressure to drop the baby weight like it’s hot, you might be putting yourself on a calorie restricted diet.
If you’re putting yourself on a calorie restricted diet to lose the weight, you might actually be making it more likely that you’ll hold onto the weight, or gain even more weight.
Studies show that calorie restriction can increase cortisol levels and make you stressed right out.
And when your cortisol levels are up, and your stress is up, you’re actually more likely to gain weight.
So not eating, or not eating enough can actually make it harder for you to lose weight.
That’s why it’s important to eat when you’re hungry. That’s your body saying “Feed me, please!”
If you keep constantly ignoring those signals because you think it’ll help you lose weight, it’ll probably actually backfire on you. Then you’ll be hangry and still unable to lose the weight.
Doesn’t sound fun, does it?
So what can you do to help feel better?
I get it. Maybe your doctor told you to drop some weight and you’re feeling that pressure. Maybe you just wish you could fit into your fave pair of jeans. Maybe you think dropping 10lbs or so will give you the confidence to put on the two-piece. Maybe you’re sick of your favourite pre-baby clothes not fitting.
And it’s rough when you have so many images surrounding you telling you that you should lose the baby weight as fast as the Duchess of Cambridge did.
But maybe the Duchess of Cambridge doesn’t have your genes.
Remember – every body is different.
I hear you. It’s frustrating and you wish things were different. But here are some options to help you stop stressing so much about your weight…
1. Do something that makes you feel less stressed out
Workout. Call your best friend. Go for a walk. Do some yoga. Watch your fave show instead of doing the laundry during naptime. Have sex.
Not even for the sole intention of lowering your stress, (because, like we talked about, it’s easier to lose weight when you’re less stressed) but simply because those things make you happy. You can’t be pissed off and joyous at the same time.
Weight loss can be stressful. That’s one reason why I recommend you focus on other things and not just on losing the baby weight. So do something that makes you happy instead of stressed.
2. Focus on other positives
Speaking of putting your focus elsewhere. There is so much more awesomeness that the postnatal exercise experience has to offer beyond weight loss. Getting function back. Ditching back pain. Not peeing yourself anymore. Enjoying sex again. Having more energy. Feeling stronger.
Focusing on other milestones will help you feel better about how amazing your body is – the cellulite might not even seem so bad anymore.
This isn’t about slapping a fake smile on your face and carrying on. It’s about truly appreciating the positive things that are happening in your life.
Gratitude is a very powerful thing.
3. Remember that it’s temporary
If your weight retention or gain is related to breastfeeding, whenever you decide to stop breastfeeding you may find it easier to lose weight – if that’s what you want.
I’m not suggesting you quit breastfeeding to lose weight. Not at all. Do what feels right for you, your kiddo and your body.
Just remember that you can lose the weight in a year or two. You only get so much newborn-time before you blink your eyes and you have a 12 year old. I know I don’t want to spend those precious moments worrying about my belly or how I can force those last 5lbs off my hips.
4. Find someone who gets it
Feeling like you’re alone in the struggle is not a fun place to be in. Seek out friends and family members who get it. You can even venture online into forums.
Just make sure the people you’re surrounding yourself with are more supportive and positive than negative and critical.
Sometimes it feels good to just vent about how hard it is and how sad you are with people who understand. This isn’t a space you’ll want to constantly stay in. Because rolling around in your sadness and despair isn’t helpful long-term. But it can give you some much needed release and the ability to move on in a more positive way.
5. Make an appointment with your doctor
A small group of women develop postpartum thyroiditis.
If your weight gain is extreme, this might be you. Basically your thyroid doesn’t work properly and can’t properly regulate your body systems – including your metabolism.
So if you suspect this might be you, go see your doctor or naturopath for help.
6. Remind yourself how awesome your body is
I feel like it’s so easy to forget how incredible your body is.
You just grew a tiny human, gave birth to a tiny human, and now you’re feeding that tiny human with milk your own body is producing.
You’re a real-deal superhero, mama.
And you don’t deserve to feel pressured to fit an unrealistic idea of how your body should look post-baby.
It’s like Kerry Washington said, your body is the site of a miracle.
You shouldn’t feel so pressured to get back to pre-miracle state.
I know it can be hard to “just deal” with the extra weight.
But ask yourself, truly ask yourself, where is this pressure coming from? Do you actually want to lose the weight? Or do you simply believe you should lose the weight because some magazine is telling you you should?
Learning to love your postnatal body – extra weight and all – is not an overnight experience.
It takes time and effort but you can come to a place of appreciating what your body is, being okay with where you’re at right now, while remembering that you can always make changes now or later if that’s what you really want.
Loving your body now doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to want to change it later.
It just means you’re giving yourself some grace, appreciating your body for what it’s accomplished, and then making changes that feel like the bees knee’s for you and what you want.
Hugs,
Jen
This article made me feel so much better I am usually akin very good shape I’m 4 months PP and I feel like everyday I gain 5lbs(I know a bit dramatic) I feel like I don’t know who is living in my skin I’m this cellulite, jiggly person. This made me step back mentally and remember what I just went through and I will eventually get back to where I want to be
Yay! I’m so glad you were able to make that mental shift, Sage. It’s not easy when you’re used to seeing a totally different body in the mirror and you just don’t feel like yourself. But you’re exactly right – it’s so helpful to take that step back and remember how amazing you and your body are and that – in time – you can absolutely be where you want to be. You just don’t want to sacrifice your physical or emotional health along the way. Keep reminding yourself of this again, and again, and again 🙂
I needed this. Thank you ❤️ I had my fourth son 4 mo the ago, lost 20 pounds in two weeks and the. Gained 10 back and they won’t come off for anything. I have never bed. This jiggly ever, I just keep repeating, it’s ok , it’s temporary. Lol
Thank you again ❤️
You’re welcome, Alyssa! You are not alone – it can be hard when there’s so much pressure put on us (and we put on ourselves) to “get our bodies back” postpartum. There’s no rush. This absolutely is temporary. You’re a mom of 4 and your fourth has only been here for 4 months! Keep taking care of yourself and reminding yourself that fat isn’t bad, jiggly is okay, and if you want to look a certain way, at some point that can be a priority. Right now it’s okay that it’s not 🙂
I just came across your blog and read this. After 7 months postpartum and gaining 80lbs with my pregnancy I was getting so angry at Myself! I’m bottomless, ravaging all the time for all the things I wanted during pregnancy. I continually ask myself, why? Why am I allowing myself to do this!!!??With my son, breast feeding let me lose the weight so fast! Not this time! I feel like I can’t eat enough and find myself still at 265lbs! The heaviest I’ve ever been! After reading this it brought me to tears knowing I’m not alone and that not being able to magically lose the baby weight is a thing!
Thank you for this!!
I’m so glad this made you cry, Jes – in a good way! You are absolutely not alone and in good company.
Weight loss often takes longer after your second pregnancy because of so many reasons – not the least of which is that you’re now taking care of more than one child! Add hormones and sleep deprivation in the mix and it’s extra hard.
Be kind to yourself and remember that this is temporary. If you want to lose weight, you can go for that at some point. It’s your body, your choice. But for right now, nourish your body and let go of the notion that you should lose weight yesterday ❤️
Thanks Jenna! It’s such a comfort to know you’re not alone! <3
You’re so welcome, Jes. It’s true, isn’t it? Just knowing it’s not just you feels comforting 🙂
This is the best article i have read about my struggle. I am 9 months PP and i have tried almost everything to loose the pregnancy weight. I tried the calorie restriction, extreme workout, intermittent fasting, eating clean ( still on it) but i am not loosing anything. I just decided to not focus anymore on that. I will continue to work out, to eat well, give the best to my baby and i know when i will stop the breastfeeding i will have nice muscles. :-). Thank you very much for those words.
Hey Eliane,
I’m so glad you found this helpful! Yes, it can feel so frustrating but I’m glad you’re adopting a healthy mindset around it. This is temporary. You have a plenty of time to create the change you want to have ❤️
Same boat girl, yup IF too, trying to do it all, it is what it is. Depressed but I can only do so much and really hope that seeming will get most of the weight off.
Reading this while pumping at 6am helped me remember what truly matters in life and genuinely helped me let go of my weight related worries. I love being a new mother. It is a more rewarding and beautiful feeling than I have ever felt in the past from my workouts, being in great physical shape, having a body I thought I liked better. Now I think I can love my body at this stage of life also, and for much better reasons. Thank you so much for writing all of this so beautifully and to all the other mommas for sharing their struggles openly! Best of luck to all and your babies, too.
-S
Thank you for your beautiful comment, Shreya! It can be easy to get caught up in the pressure of it all, but I’m glad you’re working in embracing this healthy mindset. Best of luck to you as well ❤️
This is exactly what I needed to hear! I have been stressing myself so much to lose the weight. Prior to my pregnancy, I lost 205 pounds naturally. Gained 50 during pregnancy and now that I’m breastfeeding, I can’t get ANYTHING off. I’m working with a nutritionist, tracking calories like crazy, exercising when I can with a little one and still – nothing. It’s been so frustrating that everything that worked wonders for me prior to pregnancy is doing absolutely nothing for me now. You’re 100% correct. Everyone assumes that you’ll just lose everything as soon as you breastfeed and it’s nice to know that this isn’t the case for every woman and that I’m not just some weird anomaly.
I’m so glad this resonated with you, Rosemary. Yes! It’s so common to hear people say “breastfeeding will burn so many calories, you’ll lose all the weight easily.” But that’s not the case for everyone. You are definitely not a weird anomaly 🙂
Thankyou. I’m crying in the bath as I write this. I feel like a slug 🙁 I’m a stone and a half heavier. It won’t come off. I also have a thyroid condition (from years before pregnancy.) I’m at two years and four months of breastfeeding and it’s been wonderful and he isn’t ready to stop and I don’t think in some ways I am either – because he isn’t. But I feel disgusting. I just want the weight gone now. I’ve battled eating disorders in the past so this has been extremely hard on me. It’s taught me a lot. I know deep down my body is beautiful weight or not and what I’m doing is magical. Sadly though it hasn’t taught away many many years of self hatred and body dismorphia. I’m still lying here looking down and my stomach which I love so dearly – crying and hating it 🙁
You are not alone, Chloe. You’re right, your body is beautiful! And we can be so hard on ourselves and the expectations we put on our bodies – and that society puts on our bodies – is awful and cruel punishment. It’s so easy to say “Love your postpartum body, extra weight, sagging skin, stretch marks and all!” But it’s easier said than done.
I have a couple other posts that may help you feel more comfortable and less sad and frustrated in the body you’re in now. I hope these help:
https://jennadalton.com/the-easiest-research-backed-way-to-feel-better-about-your-body-right-now/
https://jennadalton.com/agree-i-want-to-love-my-post-baby-body-but-sometimes-i-wish-it-looked-different/
https://jennadalton.com/how-to-stop-caring-about-having-the-perfect-body/
This made me feel so much better to read. I just weaned my daughter after 22 months of breastfeeding. I tried weaning at 18 months but became very depressed. This whole time I have experimented with different ways to get back down to my healthy weight after gaining during/after my pregnancy. I have been stuck! litterally fluctuating around 208lbs and my healthy weight is 150, I was 160 when I first got pregnant and I thought it would be easy to get back to that but NOTHING WORKS. I am now 3 weeks post breastfeeding and I feel as though I might be regaining energy and my metabolism may be catching up. I am just glad to not be alone. Excited to celebrate my body again.
You are absolutely not alone, Alana. This is so common and can feel very frustrating. It’s incredible that you were able to give your daughter that gift for the past 22 months. I hope you enjoy the lovely feeling of having your body to yourself again 🙂
Thanks for this. I am breastfeeding now my 6th baby she’s 12 weeks old. I do believe my body has worked in this way with most of my baby’s I did not lose weight until I was done breastfeeding (Which for some was when they were 2 or 3) This time it feels even harder as I’m 43 now. I really want to go easy on myself. I really want to not look at other women and compare my body to theirs.. yuck, that’s the worst. I will try to be better, laugh, play, have fun more as I have so much to be grateful for. When the comparison bug enters my brain I will chase it away with baby giggles and the visual of my girl with her huge smile while at the breast receiving all she needs. My husband finds me lovely and my kids adore me as I am, well except my 16 yr old LOL but the 21 yr old is already starting to come back around so it’s true it’s ALL TEMPORARY! And all that matters is seeing them smile knowing they are loved. I like the notion that talking about weight and body appearances is boring, so much more enjoyment and zest for life to be had, why talk about something that no matter what # the scale says we can find fault in or somebody can?!
Helen, your comment made my day! Such true, kind words. Thank you so much for sharing! I wholeheartedly agree with you ❤️
Seriously. Thank you. Am four months into my third breastfeeding journey but this time well into my mid forties. I thought those days were done… my body is doing exactly what it did after the other two and I must remember to not self loathe because of all these other key factors coming into play. I will read this post a fair few more times yet. Trying not to cry as am in a public place 🙃
You are so right, Julie. It’s so easy to beat yourself up, but your body really is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. Feel free to re-read this whenever you feel down. And as I say to my girls, it’s okay to cry 😉❤️
Yup I unfortunately am one that the damn prolactin is making it so I can forgo the fat. Big bummer indeed, wish I ate better in pregnancy with the now knowledge that it won’t just come off with breastfeeding, biggest lie! sp here’s hoping I can lose a good amount with I ween. I have to be so clean in my eating to have scale down little bit and I workout like every day just about but think it’s more diet that does anything for me. So I get fatigued to eat so we’ll every week, it’s not sustainable long term to eat like that. I hope to ween by 1 year, I have no interest in doing it any longer than I have to.
Can’t get rid of fat*
Hey Jen,
It can definitely feel frustrating trying to work on your weight loss goals when hormones don’t make it easy. And yes – diet/nutrition is the key factor in losing weight. Not exercise.
The truth is you don’t have to starve yourself to lose weight. That can actually make it even harder to lose weight – especially when you’re breastfeeding.
I know it’s hard, but remember that this is temporary. It won’t be like this forever.
Thanks so much for this article, I really needed it. It made me cry,but am glad to know am not alone. The pressure is just too much that my husband joke words has become ” you’re just too big,you take all the space ” I really hope to loose all of it once am done breastfeeding
You’re so welcome, Queensley. I know it can be so challenging watching your body go through so many changes – even when it’s for a good reason. You are absolutely not alone! ❤️